In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
