My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What drink are we having for lunch?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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