Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
