Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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