wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
