No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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