dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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