Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
