He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
