did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
