Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
