A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
