can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
