i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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