we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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