"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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