I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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