oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
