Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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