Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
