So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
