Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
