i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
