I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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