I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hippo gnu deer
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
