So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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