he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
