i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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