i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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