I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
