U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
