Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
