I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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