I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
