she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
