I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize