sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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