Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Even my vagina gasped.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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