Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
