I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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