What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i think my tv is drunk
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
