He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
