I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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