i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
