Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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