I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
