oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize