my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
