i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
