If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
