I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
