No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
