so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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