Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
