I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
