just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
