omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Alive.
So much puke
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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