found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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