I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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