I accidentally had phone sex last night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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