Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
