why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
