ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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