I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
