Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
